Those were the words I never thought I would say to my boss at the restaurant I worked for these past seven years. And I sure never thought I would be saying those words without a backup plan. But then again, life has a way of sneaking up behind you and surprising you.
Perhaps I should explain just a bit.
There has been a growing tension within me for the past year or two (or perhaps longer!), between what I am passionate about and what I do for a living. On the one hand, I could feel myself becoming further and further drained of emotional reserves, of creative drive, of belief that I could one day experience the desire to work within my strengths, and within my calling. On the other hand, waiting tables was something I was good at, it was something that was available to me, and above all, it was something that was safe. And, truth be told, I was scared to death about leaving a job that had once brought me life, freedom to write, and some degree of financial security.
But over the past few months, the restaurant life that had once left me with energy and passion to work on my lifelong craft of writing had turned into an emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining burden. And suddenly, I was faced with a decision. Would I commit myself to this exhausting pace of life? Should I just suck it up and carry on? Or did I need a change?
And so, for better or for worse, I quit. I quit for the sake of my desires. I quit for the sake of my writing. I quit for my sanity’s sake.
For the past week or so, I have been eagerly/anxiously applying for and awaiting the next season in life. And I am learning to rest in this time of life. I am learning to be thankful for the experiences that are behind me, to be hopeful about the life in front of me, and to embrace the space in-between.
As I wait to see what will come next, I am brought back to the familiar place that Martin Luther described when he said, “bewilderment is the true comprehension…not to know is true knowledge.” I don’t know what this next time will bring. I don’t know how long this liminal space in time will last. But I am taking great comfort in the fact that I belong to a God who is for me.
And I would love for you to celebrate with me. Celebrate the places of possibility in your own life. Celebrate the bewilderment that God has placed within you. Celebrate the things in your life that give you energy, that give you passion, that give you significance, that give you rest.
Then we will wait together to see what God will do next.